You need help when...

We try to keep him out of the kitchen. Last time he cooked he burned the salad.

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it probably needs a little more time in the microwave

Little Johnny's preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: "Does anyone know what this is?"
Little Johnny's hand shot up and the firefighter called on him.
Little Johnny replied: "That's how Mommy knows supper is ready!"


Your microwave display reads "TILT!"

Your dog goes to the neighbors' to eat.

Pest control companies keep pestering you, wanting to buy and patent your recipe for candy Christmas cookies.

The smoke alarm beeps if you even walk near the stove.

The last time you tried to make toast the kitchen caught on fire.

Your apple pie bubbled over and ate the enamel off the bottom of the oven.

You make tuna noodle broccoli surprise for your roommate and the surprise is that it glows in the dark!

Your tuna noodle broccoli surprise melts through everything!

You look in a cookbook to find out how to boil water.

You call your mother to ask how long to boil cabbage to make coleslaw.

If anyone has ever broken a tooth while eating your homemade sponge.

The family pets are no where to be found during dinner. (this is not a Chinese joke)